Friday, October 7, 2016

My 5 favorite things about... Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

Ahh, so this is the movie that broke the streak. Up until this, I enjoyed every single movie in this series. But apparently after 5 movies, they decided it didn't matter if they were interesting anymore, because this movie is terrible. Which is going to make this post a little difficult for me, but I suppose I deserve it for thinking I might actually enjoy all of these movies.


The biggest challenge I've faced yet in this series, and ultimately it's because of this movie that I needed to do this series of posts, because it is genuinely hard to find anything good about this final entry in the main franchise, and people deserve to know the truth. It's the first of the main series not made in the '80s, and I find it a weird coincidence that it collapsed on itself so fast as soon as the '90s hit, but that's probably just me. So, before I start raving about how much I hate this movie, here we go.

5. Opening scene

An interesting way to start out the movie with an extended dream sequence that essentially transports one of the main characters into a completely different area due to the amount of running and craziness that happens here. It's nothing new in some ways, but the way this extended sequence establishes the events of the film is at least fairly well-done. And it take place before the movie becomes totally idiotic.

4. Freddy irritates someone to death

Yeah, I can't really think of a better way to describe the scene where Freddy drops pins on the ground to try to deafen his victim (who temporarily has incredibly sensitive hearing), before pulling out a chalkboard and scratching the crap out of it with his razor glove. The sounds generated by this makes the person's head explode. It sounds dumb, and believe me, it is. But there's something funny to me about how much of a troll Freddy is in this movie. He's more annoying than creepy or funny. It's very bizarre.

3. 10 years later setup

What happens when all the young people in Freddy's town either die or move away? After years of tormenting and killing the youth of this town, it seems Freddy has run out of young people to butcher. It's kind of funny, really, how self-aware this plot point is, and winds up being another one of the few things in the movie that actually works. What *would* happen once Freddy has killed everyone? Granted, this movie doesn't do much to explore this very well, but the groundwork is there for something interesting.

2. The world's biggest map

This is the only part of the movie that actually made me laugh. Some kids are driving in a van, and the driver asks the person in the backseat for the map, which he proceeds to unfold. And unfold. And unfold. And does this until the entire back of the van is filled with paper, at which point he looks at the map and it says "you're f@$#ed" and then he wakes up. After he wakes up, they're still asking him for the map and he just replies "the map says we're f@$#ed". Haaaa. It's not an amazing joke, but paired with the visual gag of the map itself, I still enjoyed it.

1. Freddy actually dies

Yep, the title actually followed through. Spoiler alert? It could be argued that this was a lie due to the series continuing, but I don't see it that way. A New Nightmare is considered non-canonical (as it takes place in the real world) and Freddy Vs. Jason is more an aside than anything else, being a crossover that's not really a complete part of either franchise, and the only Freddy movie after these was the reboot. So, to me, unlike various other horror franchises, this movie actually followed through with its promise, and I have to respect that. The movie may have sucked, but at least it didn't totally lie to us.

Luckily, these lists aren't about the top 5 things in these movies that sucked, because if so, I don't think this one could have been narrowed down to that few. There would be like 30 honorable mentions on that list. The jokes almost entirely fall flat on their face, Freddy isn't even remotely intimidating, the gimmicks wear thin very, very fast, and it was far cheaper-looking than every other film in the series. FREDDY DOESN'T EVEN KILL ANYONE WITH HIS RAZOR GLOVE. This movie was a disaster, and as the 6th and "final" movie in the intended franchise, I really think they deserved better. It's an insult to me that they hired a director who had never made a film before to close out this series. Also, the woman who directed this later went on to make the Tank Girl movie. So yeah. A real talent.

I would actually recommend the first 5 movies to people who enjoy silly, visually-interesting and creative horror movies. I really would. That being said, stay far away from this one, there is almost nothing to like about it at all. The only good things here are either really small, or just in the set-up itself. So watch the first 10 minutes and then skip to the end.

And now that I'm done with my little project (I don't feel the need to write about what I like about Wes Craven's New Nightmare, since that's generally considered a really good movie), this is my unofficial order in which I enjoyed the Elm Street sequels. This isn't a definitive thing, and this does not take into consideration which of these are the "best". This is just how much I enjoyed each of them.

1. The Dream Master

2. Freddy's Revenge

3. The Dream Child

4. Dream Warriors

5. Freddy's Dead

Okay, so there you have it. Hope you've enjoyed this little post series, and maybe you'll find yourself looking at these supposedly "bad" sequels in a different way because of it.

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