Monday, October 31, 2016

Halloween playlist #38 - The Loved Ones (2009)

I watched this movie on recommendation in 2010 right after it had come out. Everyone raved about it. I thought I was going to be watching some relatively obscure Australian masterpiece. I didn't care for it. But when I found it for sale for $1.50 on DVD, I decided to say "screw it"and give it another try. It wouldn't be the first time I was wrong about a movie, and it certainly won't be the last. Yeah, no, I still have no idea why this had such a loyal following. At best, I find it mediocre.

There are pig farms and dairies that combined have less ham and cheese than the lead performance in this movie, which is usually something I would find to enjoy about a bad horror movie, but too much time is spent in this one just being unpleasant and filled with glaring logic gaps. It's not clever enough to be funny, not disturbing enough to be good horror, and doesn't blend these two elements enough to be anything but a half-assed amalgam of torture porn and weak shock humor. I legitimately would rather watch the Hostel movies. At least they give me the satisfaction of watching thoroughly unlikable characters get tortured and mutilated. This movie didn't satisfy any of my cravings. Moving on.

3.5/10
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