Monday, September 11, 2017

200 Items Or Less: Alien Apocalypse (2005)

A few thoughts: If I was lying on my deathbed and given only 90 minutes to live, this might be the movie I would put on. Is it because it's so good, I want it to be my last memory? Hahahahaha, no. The reason I would pick it is because I know those 90 minutes would never pass, since this movie felt like I was watching it all day. I'm not as forgiving of lousy Bruce Campbell movies as his hardcore fans might be, so not even his effortless charm (which he does have in large quantities) was enough to keep this movie from being virtually unwatchable. I can stand bad dialogue, plot, CG, blah blah blah, but it's gotta be more fun than this. This wasn't so bad it's good, it was just bad bad. Maybe I needed to be drunk to enjoy it, but I really can't imagine putting this on again to find out if that would help. I would go into the plot, but it doesn't really matter. Nothing matters. I think this movie turned me into a nihilist. But seriously, it's not good at all, even in an ironic sense. Some awful pacing issues, and it looks terrible, too. But it could've been worse.

Who would I recommend it to? Maybe Campbell fanatics will enjoy it, but that's pretty much it. This could theoretically be entertaining to watch with friends, but I wouldn't bother.

My grade: D-

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